I wrote last summer about the challenge I was experiencing, along with my brother, of supporting our elderly mother who was finding life very hard and was coping less and less well. Last autumn we had it confirmed that she had dementia and, as it had a vascular element as well as Altzeimers, her decline was no longer gentle but sometimes in quite dramatic steps.
We moved her into a lovely care home in December last year – she was safe and being looked after but it wasn’t easy as she didn’t have the capacity to adapt. For me, having already realised my brother, who was closer at hand, needed to take the lead role as her carer, it was also time to adapt and I struggled.
In a way it was good that for some time I was not able to have the daily contact with her I was used to, because it made me realise I needed to let go of the emotional responsibility for taking care of her, which I had been doing for years. I found I disliked some of my feelings and motivations – my weak points were showing and I didn’t like it, but I knew they were just as much a part of me as the bits I like, and I needed to accept them to move on.
Thankfully her decline was not long and drawn out, and she died peacefully in July. We were glad – she had had a long, good and full life; as a Christian she had no fear of death, and hanging on in that situation was not something she wanted – or we wanted for her.
There have been of course, plenty of things to get on with since she died and I have thrown myself in fully. It wasn’t until I had a holiday in September and was forced (by torrential rain) to stop ‘doing’ and just relax, that I became aware of just how tired I was, and the extent to which I had not been taking my own advice. I needed to allow myself the time and space to change and embrace who I am, and who I chose to be. It was just what I needed.
I found this poem, or pondering, which I started earlier May 2024, and it still strikes a chord. It speaks of an approach to life I clearly realised I needed at the time I started writing it… and I still need and am still learning now.
Don’t shy from the present,
Nor cling to it, to stop change;
Don’t fear the truths it reveals,
Just be in it, stay in it,
Experience the moment.
Don’t live life in the past;
Remember it’s joys and smiles,
Live its positive lessons,
Then let it be, let it go.
The past is not where life is.
Don’t live in the future,
In your choices think of it,
Conjure its opportunities
In your mind, then let it be.
The future is not yet formed.
Live in this moment now,
Savour its joys and pleasures,
Weather its challenges and pain.
Right now is all you need bear,
This too will pass, and be past.
Know that all life is change,
Embrace it, don’t shy from it.
Live only in this moment.
Being present here, and now,
Move with life as it moves on.
Experience it … and enjoy!
© Share D’All
October 2025
Tales of the Universe 
Thank you Share, your words touched me and caused me to reflect of Sally’s last days.
Do you have a reference for the poem or is it your work?
Looking forward to seeing you next week. x
Thank you Adrian, that’s nice. It is my own poem.
Yes looking forward to seeing you too x
An interesting and very personal discovery of the caregiver process. Well put as always, Share, and I’m happy to hear you’ve come out the other end with a deeper understanding and acceptance of yourself. Kind Regards,Judy