There are many things we want in life … Do we want to leave them all to chance?
It could be embarrassing that I am writing this as it shows that I don’t always practice what I preach, but actually I’m pleased. I pleased because it also shows I am learning to be honest with myself, accept who I am and start from there.
I’ve written stories for children about aspiration, and I’ve realised it’s important to understand that aspiration is not just wanting something; it is about putting the effort in to get to whatever you want. Spoiler alert – that is how a wish is different from an aspiration! You can wish all you like, and sometimes by the serendipity life sometimes offers, our wishes come true, but it has nothing to do with us; it’s about chance. Aspiration is where you want something enough to work towards getting it or becoming it.
Sounds simple… but as is often the case, it doesn’t always seem that simple in real life.
First of all you have to be clear about what you’re wanting / aspiring for.
I aspire to be an author. When I’ve said this some people have reminded me, I am an author because I write books and stories, but when they say that it doesn’t satiate by desire.
My husband says perhaps I should just write because I enjoy it… and I do enjoy it. It’s a perfectly good reason, yet being honest with myself, that doesn’t satisfy me either. So, what do I want?
I want to be a successful author (thinks me). Okay, but define ‘successful’ – does it mean famous, rich, widely read, award winning… or all of the above … or something else?
I want to be widely read. Okay, but are you satisfied to leave this to fate as many creative people’s works don’t become known, or valued, until after they’ve died. Especially if the creator concerned doesn’t start creating until later in life, like me.
Hmmm…. I want my writing to make a difference. I kind of don’t mind when this happens, but the truth is that it’s hard to keep going at writing, it’s hard to keep putting in the effort, unless I have some signs that by doing so, what I want is going to happen.
There lies the rub. If it’s an aspiration then I will put in the effort because the truth is, without it I am just wishing. There isn’t anything wrong with wishing of course, you might give up more easily (or not) but either’s okay as long as you won’t blame yourself or be hugely disappointed if your real ‘wish’ doesn’t come true.
A good friend recently challenged me about this. I was all for giving up on trying to market the books I have taken the risk of self-publishing, because no-one is buying them. Marketing is not natural to me, and I don’t have the skills or the network on social media to promote them successfully. I also know my books aren’t perfect by any means and this knowledge, coupled with self-confessed lack of marketing prowess, was overwhelming me and I’d lost confidence.
My friend basically asked me what effort I had put into getting a literary agent (I know this is the route one has to take in my situation) and the answer was ‘very little’. Simply by being asked the question a light went on in my head … am I aspiring or just wishing? I knew the answer my behaviour was giving and that brought me up short; I wasn’t putting in the effort so why was I disappointed with the way things were going? I could either accept I was only willing to ‘wish’ or I could decide to aspire. I decided to aspire because I am actually clear about what I really want, and if I put in the effort at least I will know I did really try, I didn’t just turn back at the first hurdle.
I have used my writing as an example. It isn’t a very good example in some ways as I’m very aware there are millions of ‘aspiring authors’ out there and whatever effort we put in there is still a good chance we will never get ‘seen’. However, in conversation with others recently, I realise this difference between wishing and aspiring applies to so many of the things in life we say we want.
We’re lonely and we want social contact – this is a natural human need, as life changes or as we get older and friends and family move on or die, it can become much trickier, especially if we lose mobility. Good reason to ask ourselves the question early – are we wishing or aspiring? Are we clear about what sort of social contact we want (as without if we’re not we might look in all the wrong places) and are we putting in the effort? Yes, it can be hard to put in the effort, not least because there are emotional as well as physical barriers, but overcoming them is what ‘effort’ means.
Our bodies get injured or weaker, again especially as we get older, and we know that unless we put some effort into keeping them strong, we may well have ongoing problems that create all sorts of difficulties. Again, good reason to ask ourselves the question about what we want early. Do we just wish we had a strong, fit body, or do we aspire to have as strong and fit body as we can. Are we happy to leave it to chance, or are we willing to put in some ongoing effort?
It strikes me that this applies to so many areas of our lives as individuals that it’s worth thinking about, however old we are. Certainly it’s a lot easier to make an aspiration a reality if you start thinking and putting effort into it early, but don’t only think about the things you want here and now – consider your future. Like my writing, aspiring doesn’t necessarily mean you will get all you want, but not aspiring means you are more likely not to.
Unfortunately, for many of us we don’t notice the things that were important to us until we’ve lost them, or age or circumstance start to take away things that we valued. As Joni Mitchell wrote “we don’t know what we’ve got till it’s gone”.
We can’t avoid loss and grief; life changes the needs and opportunities we have, so it’s worth separating our wishes from our aspirations throughout life. Ultimately, while we still have the energy and capacity to aspire for things, it’s us that needs to put in the effort.
Of course, it also applies to us as the human race…. what do we really want our world to be like for ourselves and those who will come after us, and are we willing to put in the effort to get there, even if it is hard work sometimes?
That maybe, is a question for another day … or is it?
Share D’All © April 2024
Tales of the Universe 