Tag: mental-health

Living Life

The webs of life can seem like and invisible trap we don’t want to feel caught in – but rain, and taking the time to pause, look and take stock can help us find the beauty.

I wrote last summer about the challenge I was experiencing, along with my brother, of supporting our elderly mother who was finding life very hard and was coping less and less well. Last autumn we had it confirmed that she had dementia and, as it had a vascular element as well as Altzeimers, her decline was no longer gentle but sometimes in quite dramatic steps.

We moved her into a lovely care home in December last year – she was safe and being looked after but it wasn’t easy as she didn’t have the capacity to adapt. For me, having already realised my brother, who was closer at hand, needed to take the lead role as her carer, it was also time to adapt and I struggled.

In a way it was good that for some time I was not able to have the daily contact with her I was used to, because it made me realise I needed to let go of the emotional responsibility for taking care of her, which I had been doing for years. I found I disliked some of my feelings and motivations – my weak points were showing and I didn’t like it, but I knew they were just as much a part of me as the bits I like, and I needed to accept them to move on.

Thankfully her decline was not long and drawn out, and she died peacefully in July. We were glad – she had had a long, good and full life; as a Christian she had no fear of death, and hanging on in that situation was not something she wanted – or we wanted for her.

There have been of course, plenty of things to get on with since she died and I have thrown myself in fully. It wasn’t until I had a holiday in September and was forced (by torrential rain) to stop ‘doing’ and just relax, that I became aware of just how tired I was, and the extent to which I had not been taking my own advice. I needed to allow myself the time and space to change and embrace who I am, and who I chose to be.  It was just what I needed.

I found this poem, or pondering, which I started earlier May 2024, and it still strikes a chord. It speaks of an approach to life I clearly realised I needed at the time I started writing it… and I still need and am still learning now.

Don’t shy from the present,  
Nor cling to it, to stop change;
Don’t fear the truths it reveals,
Just be in it, stay in it,
Experience the moment.

Don’t live life in the past;
Remember it’s joys and smiles,
Live its positive lessons,
Then let it be, let it go.
The past is not where life is.

Don’t live in the future,
In your choices think of it,
Conjure its opportunities
In your mind, then let it be.
The future is not yet formed.

Live in this moment now,
Savour its joys and pleasures,
Weather its challenges and pain.
Right now is all you need bear,
This too will pass, and be past.

Know that all life is change,
Embrace it, don’t shy from it.
Live only in this moment.
Being present here, and now,
Move with life as it moves on.

Experience it … and enjoy!

© Share D’All
October 2025

It is my belief …

Beliefs seem either to be something we shout about, or are silent about. How about we just talk about them and consider them …

It is my belief that what you believe only matters whilst you are alive.

Whilst we are alive, what we believe clearly has a powerful effect on our experience of life:

What we believe about ourselves affects how we feel. It impacts our confidence and therefore, the relationships we make, the skills we use and develop, the amount we put ourselves forward, the way we come across to others – basically it affects our ability to make the most of ourselves and the knowledge, qualities and skills we possess, or could possess.

What we believe about life and the universe affects both us and others;
It either gives us comfort and helps us deal with the ups and downs of life and so that we are resilient …
Or it makes us hurt and angry and thereby vulnerable to the knocks, losses and disappointments of life;
It either encourages us seek to understand different perspectives; make connections, be considerate and compassionate to others …
Or makes us intolerant, self-seeking and blind to the needs and perspectives of others.
These are the polarities between which our personal beliefs may cause us to move as we work our way through life.

What we believe during life, whose perspective and information we choose to accept, and the extent to which we question and explore facts, opinions and realities, causes us to make decisions that can fundamentally affect the  experiences we have and situations we find ourselves in.

Without a doubt, what we believe in all these areas has a profound impact on how we experience life whilst we are living it. It also has a profound effect on how we interact with others and the choices we make that might affect them. In life, what we believe matters.

Yet it is also my belief that when this experience of life is over, when we die, what we believed in life has no impact.
It is my belief that when we die we all return to our formless self, free and once more part of everything – it is my belief that without matter, nothing matters and our perspective changes unrecognisably.

I know many will believe differently, and that is how it should be – diversity is good. None of us can prove it one way or the other, we can only assert firmness of belief, not knowledge in the provable sense.  I don’t mind that; I am happy to choose a belief and not to know.

I have no desire to tell people what to believe. I see it as a choice for each of us to make. However, it is a choice I would suggest none of us sensibly make lightly – because of tradition, to please others, or because others like to tell us what to believe. It is a serious choice, but should be a free one, and again, sensibly one we are happy to revisit and revise on the basis of the evidence of its impact on ourselves and others.

It just seems to me, that as there is no doubt that what you believe during life has a massive impact on your actual life and the lives of those around you … then it makes sense for all of us to try and choose a belief system that actively helps you AND those you share this world with.

If we all do that, then we can’t go far wrong in navigating life together which is what we must do. We are none of us an island … even if we live on one!

Share D’All (April 2025)

A Point of Balance

Balance in certain positions is very impressive, but there’s more to balance than meets the eye …

Recently I’ve been reminded several times that, as I get older, I need to make sure I’m keeping the muscles that affect balance, strong and well developed – to help me avoid trips and falls.

As I see no point in denying the inevitable tendency an aging body has towards decline, I’ve started to do exercises that involve standing upon one leg. If anyone had been watching, my attempts certainly haven’t looked this graceful!

Experimenting with the different positions recommended by a range of helpful experts, I’ve realised that, as is often the case with matters of the body, balance is not just an issue for my physical form. While rather ineptly attempting not to let my wobbling turn into collapse, I’ve noticed that it’s not just about my muscles; my internal point of focus is also critical to staying upright – my formless self and my form both need to be engaged!

I won’t labour the point – try it and you’ll see.

It strikes me that this is true in life in general – we find ourselves in a range of positions, which are not always comfortable, and if we don’t find that the right focus in that position – the helpful focus for balance, we can fall and hurt ourselves. Of course, what doesn’t kill us can make us stronger … if we use the experience positively, so fortunately there is usually more than one opportunity to learn.

So, we can physically strengthen the muscles that help us balance – and it’s a very good idea to do so because all our bodies eventually decline, so they need all the help they can get. However, whatever age you are, never forget your formless self.  

Take some time, whatever your position, to notice where you are focusing your thoughts, your energies, your hopes and your beliefs and learn to find the point of balance for you.

Because If you can find that sweet spot of internal focus, in every position and situation you find yourself in, you may wobble, but you’ll find balance and avoid falling over.


© Share D’All – February 2025